I'm doing good

Friday, 9 December 2016

At the start of 2016, my New Year's resolution was to always respond honestly when people asked me how I was... and to my knowledge, I have been able to stick by this pretty well. For the past few months, my closest friends have been asking me this question a lot; over and over and over, which I really appreciate. And amazingly, each time they ask I've been able to give a pretty positive response. 

If you read my posts often, you might have picked up my brief mentions of my struggle with SAD- I talked about it a bit just a few weeks ago, in this post. That's why it's nothing short of a miracle that I can say "I'm doing fabulous" when someone asks me how I am... and mean it.

SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, is a form of depression that comes and goes with the seasons... some people call it "winter depression". From what I can remember, I'm pretty sure that this is the fourth year that I've been affected by it. The first year, I tried my best to ignore it- but that made it worse. The next year, I saw the signs and went to my GP, who told me it was normal to feel like this at my age, and that it would go away. The year after that, I got bad again. So I went to my GP again, this time taking my friend for moral support. They diagnosed me with "stress" and told me to go to group counselling sessions, which were too far away for me to go to. I've talked to other medical professionals who have said it's pretty clear that I've got SAD, but I can never seem to get a diagnosis. I don't know why.

Oh, and did I mention that hospital environments are one of my three biggest fears? As in, they make me feel really anxious.

So yeah. That's all happened. I guess that it's understandable that I was dreading the autumn/winter season of 2016. I'm in my first year of university, with a whole new group of friends.. and I was so scared that the SAD would hit and nobody would like me anymore. But that's not happened.

I'm doing good.

Life is actually going really, really great. I've got a new, exciting job thanks to one of my most amazing friends. I'm keeping well on top of my studying, and got a surprisingly good grade in my Finance Assignment. I've got amazingly supportive friends, who have been here for me so much- even when I haven't necessarily 'needed' it. You know, I'm doing good.

I'm happy. Like, genuinely happy. And it's weird, like I've not done anything different this year from previous years. I don't know why this year is different, but I'm grateful for it. Of course, I've had moments that have been difficult, but it hasn't been as destructive as last year's season of SAD. Life is never perfect... but it is beautiful.

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know that just to be alive is a grand thing.” — Agatha Christie

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