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I'm (not) Doing Well, Thanks!

Wednesday, 25 October 2017


You know that feeling when you don't know how to write the first sentence/paragraph for an essay/email, but you know exactly what you want to say with the rest of it? That's how I've felt about my blog posts lately... I know exactly what I want to write, I just don't know how to start.

To be completely honest, life has been a little bit like that too.

I know exactly what I want to do with my day, but lately I've found getting up in the morning has become a struggle.



Almost two years ago I promised myself that whenever anyone asked me how I was, I would answer honestly. 

I made this promise to myself so that whenever I was struggling, I wouldn't bottle things up- because that's how bad things get worse. 

Yet in the last few weeks, I've broken that promise more times than I'd like to admit. 

A smile, and a convincing "I'm doing really well!", or "I'm in a fabulous mood today!" slips out much easier than admitting that actually, last night I walked home in tears for no apparent reason.

So here's the honest truth.


The truth is, I am an immensely happy, bubbly, extroverted person who has SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I can't tell you exactly what that means, because each year it affects me in a slightly different way. 

This season, I have struggled with being open.

The thing is, there's actually no real reason for me to be feeling anything less than fantastic. I really do have a wonderful life, and I have so much to be grateful for- and I am fully aware of this.

But because there is no tangible explanation for why I've been struggling so much, I've felt more and more trapped inside my mind. It's so difficult to explain to someone why I feel the way that I do, when I don't even know myself.

I've gotten myself in these horrible moods where I'm just hit with this sudden flood of negative emotions, and I can't help but break down in tears. And I don't know, maybe my minds way of making sense of it all is to convince itself that there actually is something wrong.

Somehow, one night convinced myself that I have no true friends who really care about me, and that everyone will hate me if I'm not my energetic, cheery self. A few days ago, I walked home in floods of tears because I felt so alone.

Then, in the morning I told two of my closest friends what had happened.

I had no choice- they could see I was upset, and they weren't content with "I'm fine".

 I'm so grateful for that, because they reminded me that I do have people who care about me- and have done for years. They reassured me that nobody expects me to be happy all the time, and nobody is going to hate me for having ups and downs. 

That's just life- having those horrible moods that nobody can explain does not make me a failure as a human being. Everyone struggles in some way or another.

 Everyone's human, and we all need that extra little bit of lovin' every now and again.

17 comments:

  1. I think the fact that you have got this off your chest and put it down into a blog post shows how brave you are! I hope you're feeling better soon x

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    1. Thank you so much Jade. I want to be completely open and honest with the people around me, starting from now!

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  2. Sara, you are so brave! Thank you for being so honest & open with yourself and your readers. I hope you feel better soon. Kirsty. Xx

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    1. Thank you for being such an encouragement Kirsty! Xx

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  3. I've struggled with SAD in the past and it's no fun that's for sure. Love your note to always be honest when people ask you how you are. Hope things pick up for you soon x

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    1. Thank you Meaghan- it’s easier said than done but honesty is always a step in the right direction x

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  4. I’m so glad your friends were able to spot that you weren’t “fine” and were able to help. SAD is one of those things that when mentioned most people nod and say they’ve heard of it but don’t know much about it, so thank you for sharing your experiences xx

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    1. Definitely! I’m so glad I have friends around that can support me and give me the help I need- even when I don’t always ask for it!

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  5. This post just goes to show how brave you are. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I hope you'll be feeling better soon and I wish you just the best.
    Lea, xx

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    1. Thank you so much Lea, this means a lot to me!

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  6. The fact you spoke about this here is a sign of strength. I'm wishing you well and hope you feel better soon!

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    1. Thank you so much Faisal, I really do appreciate that

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  7. I love that you feel open to write about it on my blog post- keeping things to yourself can sometimes be the worst thing that you can do so trying to be open and honest to the people that you love and trust will hopefully start to make you feel better.
    I’ve never heard of SAD personally, so it was an interesting read for me to understand what your going through.
    I hope that things get brighter for you soon,

    Chloe xx

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    1. Thank you so much for your uplifting comment Chloe, it really does mean the world to me. I hope the post helped you understand the disorder a little bit more!!

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  8. Having so many emotions can be confusing. There are always people you can reach out to. I have been struggling with just feeling down and being negative about things. No motivation but I must move forward. You aren't alone <3

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  9. This must have been difficult to write but well done you for getting it off your chest and putting it into words. I hope you battle against it and enjoy as much as possible and I'm wishing you all the best.
    Ffi | The Essence Of Red

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    1. Thank you Fifon- it definitely isn’t easy talking about these kind of things, but I’m so glad that I did!!

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